


a word about sacrifice

by mouseratstan



Category: Veep (TV)
Genre: Angst, post-finale feelings, this is how i cope, yes i just finished this show an hour ago so what
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:07:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26854192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mouseratstan/pseuds/mouseratstan
Summary: Gary ought to hate Selina, after this.But he's never really known how. It's not in his blood.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 12





	a word about sacrifice

He should probably hate her.

On paper, it makes sense. Anyone in the world would expect him to hate her, and if he's honest, he wants to. He  _ wants  _ to hate her, more than anything, because that might be an easier emotion to bear. Maybe he can learn to carry hate in his shoulders like all the others have and it can be easy for him, turning away from her. It doesn't  _ have  _ to be like this.

But Gary has never been able to hate her.

He knows, deep down, this is why she did it. At the end of the day, he’s the perfect fall guy. He lets them take him away from the stage and he swears to God and anyone listening that it's  _ all his fault, goddammit, I did this.  _ He holds his hand in the air and he takes the blame, just like she knew he would, and he still  _ can’t hate her. _

Maybe it's because he remembers when he meant something to Selina. Maybe it's because when he closes his eyes to sleep at night, he dreams of Labor Day. Maybe it's the way he can't look at anything without being reminded of her— whether it's a scent, a word, heels clicking, echoing along the walls. Every brunette he sees becomes her, and every raised voice only brings her’s to mind.

Maybe it's because he loves her. He supposes that’s always a possibility. He loves her just enough to let this happen, without putting up a fight, without carrying hate in his heart.

Gary guesses the only reason he stays sane at all is because he counts the days, telling anyone who will listen:  _ “Today’s the day she visits. She’s gonna visit me soon, I just know it.”  _ And he thinks, as he goes to sleep with nothing, that it'll come soon. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, but it will. She’ll come to thank him for what he's done, for doing this unfair thing, for teaching her about sacrifice. He has enough hope to carry him through. Just enough to survive.

And maybe one day when he's released he’ll go out with her again. Selina will give him a hug and he’ll fetch her tea, maybe a snack. He still remembers exactly how she takes her coffee. Down to the exact temperature. God, and if he still had that bag, he could…

He could… 

Nothing. He could  _ nothing.  _ Because Selina never does visit Gary. He’s unsure she even tries.  _ She's a busy woman,  _ he rationalizes.  _ She’s President now, after all. _

But the next time he sees her, she's being carted away in a casket, and that speaks more clearly than anything. But still, god,  _ still,  _ he can't hate her.

No, he still sees her in everything. He still makes a stop and picks up that lipstick— the  _ Dubonnet,  _ because he made a promise and Gary Walsh always sticks to his promises. It’s his parting gift for her. The last thing he can ever do, as if to finally set himself free.

And maybe he tells a man in uniform on the way out that the flowers ought to be changed out.  _ No reason,  _ really, no reason at all. Just that they're hideous and definitely not her style and, god, does anybody here understand Selina at all?

And then he takes a deep breath, tells himself this is the last thing he’ll ever do for her, and he lets himself go. He lets himself free.

_ “I quit,”  _ he whispers, just outside the door, and he imagines taking off his now-nonexistent badge and throwing it into the street. “I quit.”

It's funny how easy it actually is to do. Just two little words, and he's gone.

He still doesn't hate her. He doesn't think he ever can.

But at least now he's free.


End file.
